Happiness Is
...discovering that your local library has the Neil Gaiman audio CD. I have to say, just hearing his Brit accent as he tells us how the Queen of Melanesia stopped by to do the gardening just has me melting into a puddle of fanboyish goo. But the good kind of goo. Not the "and all that hentai doiujin you have on your hard drive is why I never use your computer mouse" kind of goo, it should be noted.
Speaking of things related to books and happiness (but not body odour; that was yesterday), it is with much belated rejoicing that I sit here with an authentic "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" Gryffindor scarf wrapped around my neck. Sure it's huge and in wheeling my chair around I've almost strangled myself three times, but I'm thrilled to no end that not only did Ginny kindly put this scarf up for auction, but that people voted for Chulthu to be its recipient.
For those of you unaware, Ginny did not have a pressing need for a Gryffindor scarf, and put it up for auction in a most colourful way. Hopefuls for the scarf could enter a reason why they should get the scarf, and the general public could vote based on the entries. Here was mine:
Dear Ginny, I have a little Elder God who is anaemic (possibly due to a boating accident he had when he was younger), and he frequently gets the chills from the cold, harsh Canadian winters. This poor little guy, who for the sake of anonymity shall be referred to as “C-chan”, is used to the more tropical climate of Latitude 47 degrees 9’S, Longitude 126 degrees 43’W. Already I’m saddened to say that with the recent bout of snowstorms we’ve had, C-chan has spent these last few weeks burrowed beneath a Harry Potter duvet and trying not to shiver his bulbous anthropoid head right off his winged body. It’s disheartening to watch C-chan try and use a Kleenex, his facial tentacles blowing horribly in all directions, instead of him being out devouring Christmas carollers or driving customers insane as they wait in the lines of the local Walmart. Now while he’d rather make me suffer eons of terrible madness in some dimension of non-Euclidean proportions than let it be known to the general public, I will have to confess that C-chan is very much a Harry Potter fan. Maybe it has something to do with the giant squid in the lake; I don’t know. But as already indicated, C-chan adores anything to do with Harry Potter. He has Harry Potter bedsheets and posters, all the movies on DVD, and all the books in hardcover. He even has one of those dreaded “unnameable” brooms. (You know the vibrating ones of which I speak.) It would mean the world to us all if he could curl up beneath a blanket, snuggling up next to his plush Hermione doll, with his Gryffindor scarf keeping him and all his impossible appendages safe and warm. So please, vote not for me, but for C-chan. After all, when he does eventually get over all this cold and rise up to enslave humanity, those of you who voted in his favour will certainly be shown mercy (and be eaten last, as opposed to everyone else, who’ll just be eaten beforehand.) Please, won’t somebody think of the Elder God?For those of you wondering, in the end "C-chan" received his scarf and has been able to survive the worst of winter as a happy Gryffindor fan...which is somewhat countered by the way he's eaten any other Gryffindor fan he's met. Then again he's also eaten every Harry Potter fan he's met...not to mention every non-HP fan too, so I guess it all balances out somewhere. And since he's busying himself with plans to drive the rest of humanity mad (purportedly by financing another Catwoman movie), C-chan's graciously allowed me to play with the scarf until he sees fit to devour me.
So in closing, I thank you, and C-chan thanks...and looks forward to devouring you all.
Today's Lesson: when the wolves come out of the walls, it's all over.
posted by Phillip at 5:52 PM
